Every young person longs for a bunch of good friends right? Friends who push you forward, support you, and will always be there for you if anything goes wrong. But unfortunately, they don’t grow on trees, and can be so hard to find! Friendships don’t just appear, we have to go and create them. Today let’s go deeper into good relationships, the benefits of friends, and how to get them.
Why Bother?
It has often been stated that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with. I think there’s definitely something in this.
Because bad friends are often easier to find than good ones, a lot of us just hang out with people who we know are not challenging us and helping us grow. Otherwise we’d be bored and lonely, after all, and who wants that? But first we have to consider the benefits of friends who really want the best for you. If you hang out with drunkards, what’s the bet you’ll become a drunkard? And if you want to be a millionaire, hang out with millionaires!
Good friends will inspire you to be good like them, and will give you higher overall self-esteem and happiness. Having a good friend group helps improve social skills and communication. And on top of all this, having friends is just fun!
What to Look For in a Friend
Some important qualities in a good friend are loyalty, honesty, empathy, generosity, the ability to listen, kindness, and respect. A good friend will encourage you to grow, and forgive you when you mess up. They will teach you about yourself and challenge you to be better, always being supportive. They will encourage you to keep going when times get tough and celebrate successes with you.
Friends like these are so important for a purposeful life.
Why not write down the qualities you want in a friend, so that you know more about what you’re looking for? Do you want someone fun and playful? Gentle and kind? Intelligent and ambitious? There’s nobody perfect, but writing your top virtues to seek in a friend can still be a great plan.
But then, you may ask, how do I find such a friend?
Be the Friend You’d Like to Have
So, imagine Liam has decided he would most benefit from friends who are funny, honest, and kind. How does he find them? By being funny, honest and kind himself! As well as practicing pretty much every difficult virtue he can think of. You may complain that everyone else is just unfriendly or “not your sort”, but what if the problem lies with you? It’s possible that Liam is a bad friend himself, and he doesn’t even realise it!
Practice being the best friend you can be, by making others feel valued and accepted, being dependable, seeking to understand them, apologising when you’re in the wrong, and never taking them for granted. Offer small gestures of appreciation, like a kind word, a gift, a smile, or just looking them in the eye when they’re talking to you. A very important one is to watch your words – even the smallest slip of the tongue can be hurtful.
Put In the Effort
Interesting friends have interests! What are yours? Do you have hobbies? Check out my blog post on hobbies here. What books have you read lately? Check out this article as well. When you have hobbies and interests, it is easier to find like minded friends by joining clubs or starting them yourself.
Imagine Liam is joining a science club, and this is his first time attending. He’s in a completely new environment and he doesn’t know anybody. He wishes he were brave and friendly enough to go meet those guys over there, but he’s uncomfortable and feels shy. So instead, he just pulls out his phone and pretends to be busy on it.
Unless Liam steps outside his comfort zone and at least tries to meet new people, it will be very difficult for him to make friends. But seriously, what’s the worst that can happen if he only tries? Is he afraid of embarrassing himself? Of being unpopular? It’s a risk worth taking! The benefits of having friends definitely outweighs the cost.
Or if he already has friends, why not make new ones as well?
Go Deeper With Friends
I think the way to really get to know people and strengthen friendships, is to stop chatting about shallow gossip, and really discuss ideas, your individual beliefs, and challenging concepts. That way you can really get to know your friends on a deeper level than how-was-your-week chitchat.
Don’t be afraid to disagree and offer opposing viewpoints. There’s nothing wrong with an argument, so long as it’s just an argument, not an insult-flinging shouting match. Actually debate can be a very healthy thing, boosting your individuality, building quick-thinking skills, and helping you better understand both your own views and the other person’s. Conflict builds character, and often strengthens bonds as you work through it.
A Word on Peer Pressure
This Liam story is great! Let’s keep using him:
Liam didn’t want to smoke as a minor. His conscience told him it was wrong. But when he saw how all his friends were doing it and telling him he should as well, he eventually gave in and did what his friends were doing. Despite his hate of the stuff, Liam kept smoking.
So, Liam knows he’s doing the wrong thing. Why does he keep doing it? Because he fell into the trap of peer pressure. He wanted others to respect him and he wanted to fit in. He thought that being like “everyone else” would make him happy.
Peer pressure is pretty much unavoidable, unless you live in a cave in the middle of a desert and never see a soul. There will always be people around who you copy, intentionally or otherwise. But remember, no one can make you do anything; you always have a choice. The trick is to make peer pressure work in your favour by hanging out with positive role models. Spend time with good friends you admire, or mature adults, and you will probably end up more like them. As 3 John 1:11 says, do not imitate what is evil but what is good.
Because Liam didn’t stand up for what he knew to be right, he has to live with the consequences of his actions for the rest of his life. Nobody benefits from peer pressure, not even those pressuring you. They probably feel peer pressure themselves to make sure everybody around them is going down the same bad path. Giving in to peer pressure doesn’t actually get you respect, it just shows you’re a follower. Standing firm on what you believe, despite the pressure, is what people really respect.
Another big one to look out for is comparison.
If Liam constantly looks around at others, and seeing all they have that he doesn’t, he’ll likely end up with a jealousy problem. He might decide that he needs twenty pairs of shoes, the latest iPhone, and popularity, and only then will he finally be happy. But it’ll never be enough this way, and he’ll never be satisfied.
Earthly riches don’t necessarily make people happy, you know. In order to be happy, we can simply decide to be content no matter what. You need to compare yourself not with others, but to your own former self, and be pleased with how you’ve matured and become a better person over the years. So let go of jealousy and be content.
Conclusion
Okay, I know that last bit wasn’t really about healthy friendships, but I just wanted to remind you of the danger that can come of trying to fit in with people as you strive to find friends. Wait, not find friends, but actually go and make them!
Check out my other articles to learn more:
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